The girl with teary eyes

I saw her stumbling through the doors looking for a place to sit down. Where was she going? Was she meeting someone? These questions wandered in my mind untill she finally sat down. In front of me she was. Glanced at me quickly and started looking for something in her purse. What was she looking for so anxiously?

Her phone rang. She sighed and answered. For a few minutes I heard her mumbling something impossible to understand. She hung up. The phone went back into her pocket and out of her purse came an mp3 player. Such an ordinary thing, I was expecting something else. But why was I expecting something at all? Why was I observing this girl and couldn't take my eyes off of her.

She put the phones on and looked through the moving window. It was dark. Only the lights let themselves be seen as we passed faster and faster, letting all kinds of places, people, situations behind us. There was something about her eyes. They were deep and profound, it looked as if she was watching something, but not outside, not the lights. She was watching her thoughts slidding through her mind as fast as the train. What thoughts did she have?

Suddenly her eyes moved in my direction and I tried to avoid her seeing me looking at her, but I couldn't. Her eyes were sparkling. Sparkling because of the tears willing to fall. Sparkling because of the lights showing their reflection. What was she listening to? What had she seen, that made her almost start to cry?

She was crying inside. The tears didn't fall. They just spread in her eyes making them shine as if she had some kind of natural glow inside her. The journey was about to end. I just wanted to look at her to never forget that look, that face, that glow. What did she do to me?

We were arriving. She got up and aproached the door. Her mp3 player was back into her purse. The tears had gone away all by themselves. She stood there, waiting for the doors to open, with such a strong and powerfull look. I had seen her fragile side. I saw her wander somewhere only she knows; now reality was back to be faced as if that moment never happened.

The doors opened. I saw her hair flying with the wind and whispered goodbye, to the girl with teary eyes.

Agora ou Nunca

Vivo na ilusão. Na ilusão de uma ideia, na ilusão de um sentimento, na ilusão de um compromisso, de uma promessa perdida. Nada é uma ilusão verdadeira. Sei que tenho tudo o que poderia desejar, mas parece que falta alguma coisa, parece que há sempre qualquer coisa que não está bem. O quê? Não consigo arranjar as palavras certas para o dizer. Parece que vai sempre saír de uma forma errada, parece que vai sempre ser mal interpretado. Até eu interpreto mal. Não sei o que quero. Não sei onde vou parar.

Tenho o mundo estagnado à minha volta. Mas tenho um mundo só para mim, o mundo que qualquer pessoa quer, ao qual poucos têm direito. Um mundo que tantos procuram a vida inteira e nunca encontram. Um mundo que eu encontrei sem sequer procurar. Era muito cedo para procurar, mas já que ele apareceu e me fez viver de uma maneira tão intensa não posso deixá-lo escapar, não quero deixá-lo escapar.

Pequenas coisas fazem o meu mundo morrer um bocadinho todos os dias. Se eu sei por que é que o faço? És difícl de lidar, és difícl de perceber, és difícil... Giras e giras e dás voltas e voltas sempre ao mesmo lugar. Não sei onde estou...

Só peço um luz, um lugar ao sol, nem que seja por umas horas, nem que seja por um minuto. Quero sentir tudo outra vez, quero chorar, quero gritar para todos ouvirem, quero reviver momentos inesquecíveis, quero ser surpreendida, quero renovar. E era tão fácil, peço tão pouco.