I refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies."

This may explain myself right now. I refuse anyone that doesn't give me the shivers, that mind-blowing quiver you feel in your belly and all over your body. I felt it once in my life and it lasted a lifetime, until it ended. It's hard to imagine it happening again, being grown up, having lost the childish innocent view of the world. - When you feel something new for the first time, when you can't explain what's happening to you, when your feelings scare you to death because you don't know what they mean. When you realize that what you're feeling is  probably love, in its most pure and and unique form. -

The longing for the presence of that person. Missing them every minute of every hour. Feeling your heart ache when spending just a few hours apart. A touch that makes you feel weak. The fluttering sensation when even the most minimalist of eye contact brings you to an orgasmic state of bliss. 

The wings are clipped for now.

Having met actually great guys that would treat me like a princess even in my most unbearable states of mind make me think that I may be too picky, that I'm letting myself fall into a state of  numbing out all of my emotions and being dragged in a forever childish belief that someone will come along who will make me say: fuck it. Love me, hurt me, you're worth every emotion. Every one that comes along just lacks the basic chemistry.

I need that. I need chemistry. I need to feel out of control. I need to miss him. I need him to be the last thought before I fall asleep. I need to feel that almost unbearable desire of must having to have him right there and then. That guy, out there somewhere, is saving butterflies in a jar for me. And I know I'll know it when I see him, because the sensations will burst without a warning sign. You can't force chemistry, you can't force butterflies. But when it happens, it's out there, no turning back.


I refuse to settle for anything less.